People often associate being alone with negative isolation, stigmatising solitude.
Loneliness is a negative emotional state characterised by a perceived gap between desired and actual social connections. It is often accompanied by feelings of isolation, sadness, and a sense of being disconnected from others.
This emotional state can be deeply distressing and is often exacerbated by societal stigma that equates being alone with being unloved or unwated.
Solitude, on the other hand, is a voluntary state of being alone without feeling lonely. It is a positive and refreshing experience that allows individuals to participate in self-reflection, creativity, and personal growth. Solitude is chosen and embraced, while loneliness is often an unwanted condition.
The distinction between these two states lies not in the physical reality of being alone but in the emotional and psychological experience of that aloneness.
Dr Dougal Sutherland, Principal Psychologist at Umbrella, says that “it’s possible to feel lonely even in a crowd. Solitude is the state of being alone and feeling comfortable or peaceful in that state.”
The golden years often bring changes that can heighten our sense of loneliness.
Loneliness can also affect cognitive function, leading to difficulties in concentration, decision-making, and problem-solving. Social isolation, a common consequence of loneliness, can exacerbate these issues and create a vicious cycle in which the lonely individual withdraws further from social interaction, deepening their sense of isolation.
This can lead to a downward spiral in which loneliness feeds into itself, making it increasingly difficult to break free from its grip.
“Loneliness can be a big issue for people as they age and grow older.”
Retirement, the loss of loved ones, reduced mobility, and physical distance from family can erode the social networks that once provided us with comfort and a sense of belonging.
As friends and peers face similar challenges, the opportunities for social interaction can diminish significantly.
Hence, it is important to reach out if you think someone may be struggling with loneliness.
“Take some small steps to reach out to them. Some people might not want to acknowledge they are lonely or not want to feel like they are a burden on other people.”
Dr Sutherland says to identify if there are small things you can do for them, such as taking out their rubbish, bringing in the paper, offering to include them in a group/ activity you’re part of, or even giving them a phone call once a week.
“Let them know you ‘see’ them and that you value them as an older person with wisdom and life experience who still matters in this world.”
If you think you are experiencing loneliness, Dr Sutherland says there are many ways you can try to keep up meaningful social relationships with those around you.
“Join clubs or groups where there are people with shared interests or interests that you think you might like; volunteer your time and experience for charitable or faith-based organisations; get familiar with technology so that you can keep in touch with family or friends.
“Remember that as an older person, you have a lifetime of skills and experience that you have built up that will be useful for other people – adopting this mindset can help people see that they have a meaningful role to play in society and communities.”
For those requiring assistance or support of any kind, Age Concern is a great organisation to turn to.
Providing health services, community connectors, help at home or with jobs, social connections and social outings, courses, home support services, and more. No job is too big or too small for Age Concern.
Greta Bond, CEO of Age Concern Canterbury, says, “Our purpose is to support and promote the wellbeing and dignity of older people living in Canterbury.”
When it comes to loneliness, Greta said, “Many times older people will come to us with other issues, and we can connect them into a social group or get them a visitor, because addressing loneliness is part of providing a wraparound service for older people.”
According to the World Health Organisation, loneliness can be worse for an individual’s health than smoking ten cigarettes a day, and according to Greta, it is almost an epidemic in New Zealand’s society, especially among older people.
“Loneliness is very common – particularly in Pakeha society, where older people don’t tend to live with Whanau like Maori or Pasifika elders are more inclined to do.”
Greta says that if someone is struggling with loneliness, in the first instance, they could reach out to family and friends, even if they haven’t talked in a while.
“People are sometimes very accepting that others are busy or distracted, but the first thing to try and do is not let your old friendships lapse.”
But for those who don’t have that choice and may have had friends pass, move away or go into care, Greta says they should definitely give Age Concern a phone call if they are lonely and would enjoy some social interaction.
With over 350 volunteers and 24 staff, Age Concern can find someone to come and visit every week or invite you along for one of their outings, as well as a number of other social events that take place throughout the month.
“No one should be lonely – we can sort you out in a way that suits you, your preferences, and your likes and dislikes.
“We respect the dignity of older people and recognise that everyone’s different – but, while some people like to be alone, no one likes to be lonely, and we can help with that.
“Our staff and volunteers are very committed, and we love meeting new people – and if we don’t offer a service that can help you, we can help you find a service that suits you. No issue is too big or too small!”
Age Concern has a national office based in Wellington and numerous branches scattered across the country. To find an Age Concern branch close to you, visit https://www.ageconcern.co.nz and get in touch today.
