Younger generations are communicating via texts and voice notes more than ever before. They prefer to avoid phone calls, which can cause major anxiety. But what does this change mean for older people, and how can anyone with the same trepidations overcome it? Let’s take a look at a phenomenon so common nowadays that it even has a name: telephobia.
The Changing Ways We Communicate
It’s seeing your granddaughter let the phone ring unanswered. It’s someone texting crucial information despite wanting an immediate reply. The ways we get in touch with each other have changed; in turn, so have our preferred means of communication.
The Fear Behind the Phone
Phone anxiety stems from a fear of social interaction. Some of its causes include a fear of judgement, a lack of control over the conversation, and the unease that comes with being unable to read body language. Phone calls can feel like small performances, and with that comes pressure to present a certain version of oneself, especially when the call is unexpected. Even the ringing of the phone can trigger stress.
Text-Based Communication and Its Comfort
Text-based digital communication takes away the improvisational aspect of a phone call and comes with fewer unknowns. Young New Zealanders have grown up in an environment dominated by text-based comms, and so the feeling that phone calls are intrusive, outdated, and emotionally taxing is somewhat entrenched in their worldview. How we feel about the first phone calls we make in childhood can have a profound impact on the rest of someone’s life. Generally speaking, earlier generations developed more comfort with calls because they were standard, while digital natives didn’t have to, and now the gap is widening.
The Meaning Behind the Message
This doesn’t mean younger people are incapable of meaningful conversation—it just means their version of comfort looks different. A thoughtful message or carefully worded voice note can carry just as much emotional weight as a spoken sentence. In fact, these formats often allow for greater reflection and honesty. Rather than reacting on the spot, people can take the time to consider their words. And for many, that makes opening up easier.
The Dark Side of Phone Calls
There’s also how speaking over the phone opens the door for abuse. Similar to road rage, there’s a humanity gap to phone calls where we still interact yet can get away with a vicious tone or vocabulary that in other contexts wouldn’t fly. Most young people can recall at least one experience of being sworn at and belittled over the phone.
The Inescapable Reality of Phone Calls
Phone calls are unavoidable in our modern world. These days, you can change power companies entirely online, but to cancel, you must talk to a call centre representative. You can apply for a job via email or an online portal, but you should expect a phone interview a week later. If you’re angry about a service, a phone call to a leader might feel like the best way to get your hot-tempered point across in the moment.
“We can’t really generalise it to all and every person. But what we can say is that many Millennials and Gen Zs prefer texting over calling,” Auckland University of Technology’s Dr Lena Waizenegger told RNZ. As voice notes can be listened to at double speed, and we lead such busy lives where texting is fast and convenient, these generations also feel that voice-to-voice phone calls are time-consuming.
Why Phone Calls Are Felt as Urgent
There’s also the inbuilt uncertainty that comes with phone calls, which raises questions such as who is on the other end of the phone, or whether an emergency or major event has occurred. “Because nowadays, because we mainly communicate through text or instant messaging, if someone actually calls, this is mainly a sign of urgency or an emergency.
“What the new etiquette is, is just to text before you call just so that a person is mindful of that someone might be busy at the moment or in a meeting, or busy with the kids, so that they just know, ‘Hey, you know, I’m trying to call you. It’s urgent. Can you please pick up?’ Or, ‘Hey, is there any time that’s convenient for us to talk on the phone?” she added.
Understanding the Divide
For those who grew up on the phone, leading the wire around the house, spinning the dial and getting kicked off the one line, this communication shift might be confusing, even hurtful. Understanding the reasons behind this shift can bridge some of that disconnect. Younger generations aren’t necessarily being rude or evasive; many are simply overwhelmed by the spontaneity and pressure of a call. They are just products of the world they grew up in.
What might come across as indifference could, in fact, be nerves. That silence on the other end of the unanswered phone? It might be hesitation or ambiguity about how to navigate the conversation. When we lead with empathy and recognise that a different upbringing leads to different comfort zones, it becomes easier to meet each other in the middle. Because ultimately, everyone, whether they’re 17 or 70, just wants to feel heard and understood. And finding ways to connect, even across a technological divide, is one of the most human things we can do.
