When your kids fly the coop, the sudden home-alone feeling that we once craved can become dreaded and anxiety-ridden. Parenthood is a rollercoaster, full of major life events, yet society seems to stay relatively silent on the significant moment, being when children leave home.
Empty nest syndrome defines the grief that many parents feel when their children move out. It’s a common phenomenon in which parents experience loneliness, insecurity, sadness, and identity crises as they grieve the lifestyle they have had for so long.
The bottom line is that these feelings are normal, and you aren’t alone. Feeling this sense of loss is common, so don’t feel pressured to compare your journey to others, and do give yourself time to feel these feelings instead of burying them down unhealthily. Sending your children off into the big, wide world can be really tough.
What is Empty Nest Syndrome?
When a caregiver and their child embark on their next chapter and live independently, it can bring up many unexpected emotions, especially for those who have dedicated much of their life to raising their children. It stirs up everything from excitement and relief to sadness and anxiety, and all of these emotions are totally valid. You are proud to see your child take their next steps but cannot help but worry over their wellbeing.
Empty nest syndrome manifests in many different ways and can last a few weeks for some and years for others. It can start as an anticipatory emotional response long before your child has actually left the nest. Then, when the house feels empty and quiet, no longer lively thanks to active children, it hits a lot harder. Parents may struggle with the sudden change in daily routines, which once revolved around their children’s needs and activities. Consider taking up hobbies and evaluating your personal goals beforehand to ease the shift.
Some couples may find their relationship under strain as they adjust to being a couple again without the focus on parenting. This can either rekindle their bond or surface unresolved issues. In time, it can become an opportunity for personal growth, rediscovery, and pursuing hobbies and experiences that were put aside while parenting. Reframing the pivotal event of your children leaving home as a chance to pick back up activities and desires previously sacrificed is the start of accepting your new normal.
You’re Not Alone
Seeking support or reconnecting with your personal goals can make the transition to an empty nest smoother. Consider connecting with other parents who are going through a similar experience; sharing stories and advice can lessen those feelings of isolation and stress. Talking to a mental health professional shows strength and never weakness and can help you process emotions, identify coping strategies, and build resilience as you adjust. Reaching out to friends, siblings, or extended family
members for support can also provide comfort. An extension of this is to engage in volunteer activities, as this can provide a sense of purpose as you contribute positively to the community. Spaces like book clubs, sports teams, or parenting forums also invigorate and connect.
Painting, hiking, writing, or learning a musical instrument; whatever it is, fill the newfound time by picking up hobbies and goals that were set aside during your child-rearing years. Likewise, exploring professional growth opportunities or career changes can be fulfilling. Taking time to travel or explore new places can provide a sense of adventure and excitement, as can embarking on a self-care journey through exercise, meditation, or yoga to improve overall wellbeing and create a sense of balance. An empty nest can be a chance to find yourself again. Couples can use this time to reconnect, like planning date nights or picking up shared hobbies.
Maintaining Healthy Relationships
Of course, your children leaving the nest doesn’t mean you won’t ever talk to them again. Maintaining a positive and balanced relationship with your adult children is an important step to navigating empty nest syndrome. Doing so allows both you and your children to feel supported, independent, and connected as you all move forward.
Understanding that your adult children have their own lives and that your role as a caregiver has shifted is crucial. Give them the space to make their own choices, routines, and decisions, and let them learn from their experiences and mistakes, even if you don’t always agree with them. This shows that you trust and respect their autonomy.
Healthy communication is crucial, so be open about your feelings and let them know they’re welcome to do the same. Don’t make them feel guilty for leaving or imply they’re responsible for your wellbeing. Instead, keep conversations positive and encouraging, and be supportive without overstepping. Offer your guidance when asked, but avoid imposing advice or criticism unless it’s absolutely necessary.
You can be involved without being intrusive, too. Whether it’s discussing a favourite book or going to the same events, this quality time together will keep the relationship lively without feeling forced. Your relationship with them will continue to evolve. Embrace this change, show genuine interest in their life by celebrating their successes, big or small, be willing to adapt, and show that you understand and accept their new roles and priorities.
